So… I have this problem.

You go out with friends for dinner, you meet some new people. Hi, so where are you from, what do you do? All good… And then they go and drop a homophobic comment. By that I am not referring to the stray gay joke which is told in good humour. I can handle those. I am talking about a comment which comes from the heart of your bottom. I mean, bottom of your heart. Basically, I can tell you are really scared of gay people (gawd, how stupid does that sound?!). Oh Homophobes, why are there so many of you around? Or is it just that I tend to meet many of your kind?

An example from tonight: Homophobe X, who I was just introduced to, asked about my flip flops. They are Havaianas, I replied. “Ah.. New Urban Male [a store in Singapore that sells Havaianas]! I never dare to go into that shop.” says Homophobe X. He goes on to explain that it is gay central and he is afraid to step in. I reason that it’s just a friggin’ store and you just go there to buy slippers, yo. In my head I’m thinking: So the sales boys are going to touch your beauteous, irresistable feet inappropriately when they help you choose a pair of flip flops because they are gay and are therefore by default attracted to everyone with a penis? Talk about irrational fear!

Homophobe X goes on to ask if I know a bar in Lan Kwai Fong called DYMK. I tell him calmly that it stands for Does Your Mother Know. He says it’s a GAY Bar – and he said it with an emphasis on the GAY. I think he was expecting a reaction along the lines of: “OH. MY. GAWD. It’s a GAYYY BARRRR? Shock shock horror horror! What a dirty, dirty place.”

I am then faced with a choice. Do I try to be the bigger person and overlook your homophobia (i.e. grin and bear it) since that is just one aspect of you, or do I then regard you as less of a friend since well, you are a bigot? I am obviously inclined to choose the latter, but there really are too many of you Homophobes in my part of the world. I don’t really want to go through my life hating/disliking. Plus, to what extent do I take this rejection of Homophobes? For example, I read the Pioneer Woman’s blog religiously. I think she’s lovely. What if she turns out to be homophobic? What do I do with that information then? I would probably become less of a fan, but that doesn’t mean her blog isn’t great fun to read. Obviously I don’t have to talk to her even if she’s a Homophobe, so that wouldn’t be as much of an issue. But that was an example for illustration. Do you see what I mean?

I wish there was a sensor which I could use to detect them. So that I know before I talk to you if that’s what you are. It saves much discomfort (on my part anyway) down the road. I can’t say that all my close friends are totally un-homophobic. I know it varies in degrees, and I certainly don’t expect my close friends to be 100% un-homophobic; Hell, I don’t even know if I’m 100% un-homophobic. But it certainly does speak to your ability to wrap your head around people and the many shapes and sizes they come in.

What’s a girl to do? I truly don’t know.

*the title of this post is to be sung to the tune of “Oh Tannenbaum”